Baby Blues

Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression are a real thing and it sucks. I had postpartum depression after I had Mason and it was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through. So hard, it made me scared to ever have another baby because I never wanted to feel like that again. But we didn't want just one child. After I had Annie, I didn't have postpartum depression but I definitely had the "baby blues". I'd randomly cry and I felt sad that it wasn't just me and Mason anymore. But I got over it pretty quickly and soon couldn't imagine life without her! After I had Paige I didn't really have postpartum depression or baby blues because I never cried or felt like crying like I did after having the first two. But I did have feelings of regret because Paige was very hard as a new baby. She cried almost constantly, especially in the evenings, and I remember thinking that I didn't know how I was going to get through this and wished we had stopped after having 2. So I guess those feelings were some type of postpartum emotions because obviously I didn't actually regret having her. Of course, we got through that and she quickly became our most snuggly and affectionate child and couldn't get enough of her. I still can't get enough of her and she's almost 4! It's like I have to go through these really hard times every time we have a new baby before I can really enjoy our new family life. Hard and annoying but so worth it. It's been 11 days since having Ashton and I still find myself crying randomly. It's not as bad as I've had in the past though. For example, I have absolutely no feelings of regret or wishing we had stuck with just 3 kids. I love this new baby boy so much it hurts. I find myself not wanting to put him down because I love holding him so much. He is so sweet and I can't stop kissing his chubby cheeks. But I still cry. I normally hate "Hallmark" movies because they're so sappy but that's all I feel like watching lately! Wholesome goodness. Lol! I'd categorize this 4th baby postpartum feelings as the "baby blues". Just feeling randomly sad sometimes and crying here and there. I don't really feel like chatting with anyone. I get a little sad sometimes when I realize that things are different now with a baby and I really long for things to feel 100% normal like right before we had Ashton. I know it will all become a new normal soon and I can't wait for that. This is my 4th time going through this, each time is a little different and even though I'm going through these frustrating emotions once again, I consider it a blessing that I have the unconditional love for Ashton that I do with absolutely no feelings of regret that postpartum emotions can sometimes trick you into feeling. And for that I am very thankful. I think for the first time, I'm actually enjoying the newborn phase. In the past, I haven't enjoyed it. I'd get actual anxiety before bedtime knowing I wasn't going to sleep well at all. This time around, at bed time, I just snuggle in bed with Ashton, surrounded by blankets and pillows and turn the TV on and just enjoy holding him. It feels really good to finally enjoy this phase. Only took 4 times to get here!